Inside Out

Picture this headline:Kindergarten Teacher Found Hanging by Pants from Seven Foot Chain Link Playground Fence

Yeah, you guessed it. I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF MY CLASSROOM AND INSIDE THE KINDERGARTEN PLAYGROUND tonight. No classroom key to go back in (I'd locked the doors and left the key in my desk for a sub). No gate key either. As soon as the door to my classroom shut I knew. I knew. I was locked OUTSIDE, INSIDE the play yard. I'm so stupid.

I first thought I was going to have to stay the night there. But then I came back to my senses. Since it was starting to get dark (it's getting dark at 5:00 now, you know, and this happened at 4:49), I really felt a sense of urgency. No one was around. I could peek into the windows of the other kindergarten rooms. Dark. I could see light shining from the principals office but no one was there. I called the school. No one answered. I felt very helpless. Panicky. I made a few more phone calls, letting friends and family know I loved them and that they needed to pick up the girls and tell them I love them and to send HELP.

But it wasn't just me locked behind the gate. I had my crockpot. And big school bag. My purse,
a sweater, and my jacket. And Cling Wrap. My class made Stone Soup today, thus the crockpot and collection of other things I was taking out to my car. What was I going to do now? Fling the crockpot over the fence? Make a parachute for it out of Cling Wrap? Put on my sweater and jacket and pray it didn't rain overnight?

About the time I decided to see if I could squeeze my non-skinny jeans wearing ass (knowing full well I wouldn't be able to) between the fence and the gate where the chain was locked, an elderly gentleman was walking down the sidewalk with a dog on a leash.

"Excuse me sir!" with the sweetest, I'm-not-panicking-here expression I could muster, "Would you mind taking this crockpot from me and setting it on the ground on the other side of the fence please? Oh, and this bag, too? I've seemed to have locked myself inside...outside"

The gentleman was very obliging, reeling up his extendo-leash and taking the crockpot from me and very gingerly setting on the sidewalk. Then my bag. I thanked him profusely and stood on the inside of the fence. Smiling. Trying not to smile a psychotic kind of smile. He smiled back and made a bunch of nodding motions with his head. I don't think he spoke a lick of English. He paused for a moment. I just waved and said thank you again. He walked on. I was NOT about to ask this guy for assistance over the fence.

Now it was time. The sky was on the edge of darkness. My kids were waiting for me. I had to get out of there. So I threw my coat and sweater over the fence, grabbed my purse and began to climb. Thankfully the fence had that middle bar that I could use to hoist myself to the top. Once there, I began to feel a little wobbly. I got one leg over. Another leg halfway over... my fear was that the pockets on my new jeans that I thought were so cute with the big button and flap, would catch on the triangular tops of the chainlink. I was also wearing my black boots. Not the best landing gear. I was also holding my cell phone and purse. Not the best neighborhood to throw a purse over a fence and expect it to still be there in a minute. Couldn't let go of the cell phone, because what if I really did end of dangling from my jeans pocket at the top of the fence with no cell phone at hand?

Well, I made it over. With all my might I was able to push myself far enough out from the fence that I only heard one small snag (at that moment I think I threw up a little). But I landed in the grass on the other side of the fence with only a mud stain on one knee. I called my friends and family and let them know I was alive and well. I had a good cry in the car and went to pick up the kids.

I know I will be sore tomorrow. But at least I can sleep in my bed tonight. I just wonder if that
sweet old man, after taking my crockpot from me, walked around the corner then waited to see my next move. I bet he did. I would have.