I Got Bit in the Arse

Yes folks, you read it. I got bit in the butt by a kindergartener. People keep talking about it so I thought I would write about it.

First of all, he wasn't MY student, he was the student of a fellow teacher. Second of all it was only the 4th day I'd known him. Third of all, he speaks mostly spanish.
It started out as a playful game outside where he was just being silly with me, while he was waiting in line with some other children. I was laughing at him because he said "boo" to me out of the blue to get my attention. Clue 1. Then, when we started to take them inside he kicked me. Clue 2. I thought he was still trying to be playful, but I scolded him a little.

I was doing an art project with this particular group of kids, you know, cutting paper and gluing a
scene down to look like a sweet little ladybug on a yellow flower. Nothing big. Fun cut and paste practice for a fine motorskills workout. All of the sudden I felt these little hands grab the sides of my butt. Next I felt the dull chomp of 5 year old canines in my ass.

Now my knee jerk reaction was to reach back and pull whatever it was off my backside before it happened again. And that's just what I did. I poked his eye, however in the process. His regular teacher happened to be glancing my way at that particular moment (or else my flailing arms caught his attention as they swung back to protect my hiney from a second helping), and I looked at the teacher and mouthed in big crazed words, so as not to let on to the other 40 children in the room, "He just bit my butt!" The teacher looked at me with eyes wide, eyebrows raised and said, "He did that to me this morning, too! I think it's a sign of affection."

For the love of God. Couldn't you have warned me not to turn my back on this flesh eating monster?!?

In the end the kid cried because my reaction scared him to death. Now I'm the scary-white-teacher-that-pokes-kids-in-the-eye. Gotta love that reputation.

Tune: Oh Christmas Tree

Oh, football season, oh football season...
What have you done with my husband.
In summertime he is so near,
In autumntime he is near beer.
Oh football season, oh football season,
What have you done to my husband.
In spriiingtime he does his chores,
In fall time he is a bore.
Oh, football season, oh football season,
How zombie is my husband.